The norms and etiquette in dating have evolved through the years.  As compared to previous centuries, dating in the twenty-first century is much more relaxed and less structured. Dating etiquette has changed and some practices which were considered taboo then are now accepted or tolerated.  For example, men were expected to pay for all expenses in dating especially meals in olden times but going Dutch is now common and more acceptable.

As opposed to the etiquette in traditional dating, modern dating etiquette is much more open.  Though the male and female expectations of a date differ, many specific customs or actions depend largely on its context.  Nevertheless, the age-old essentials in dating like respect and honesty remain.

If you are in the dating game, here are a few considerations that you would want to bear in mind to guide you through dating in modern times:

Context.  Concerns on dating etiquette depend mostly on its context.  Considerations like how well you know your date, your age and your date’s age, how formal the activity or the date is, and several other factors determine how you should act and behave on your date.  While taking advice and expectations into account, always bear in mind the context on which the dating activity stands and how it affects your date’s expectations at the same time.

Punctuality.  Whether you are a man or a woman, it is never good to keep your date waiting for you.  Always make it a point to be punctual because this will speak volumes about you, your personality, and your values.  Some say that it’s okay to be fashionably late but if you’re at least half an hour late, you will not make a good impression on your date.  In these times when almost everybody has cell phones, contact your date if you know you are going to be late.

Appearance.  When you are on a date, especially on your first date with a particular person, pay attention to your appearance.  Try to look your best without seeming to be trying too hard.  Your choice of outfit should be according to the occasion or place where you are going with your date.  If you are going to dine out in some fancy restaurant, for example, dress appropriately.  If it is just a casual date and you would be walking in a park, dress comfortably.  If you have no idea where your date will take you, ask for a hint so that you can dress appropriately.

Money Matters.  Money issues like questions of payments on dates are always an awkward matter for most people.  In traditional dating, it is the men who always pay but in the modern times, many women find this practice quite condescending.  An important point to remember here is if you were the one who asked for the date, expect to be the one to make the payments.  This is quite tricky though.  You can read your date’s expectations without asking outrightly by being sensitive to your date’s body language, tone of voice, and subtle hints.  If you’re still not sure what to do, better offer to pay because it definitely is better to be perceived as excessively generous than being considered a cheapskate.

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss.  Yes, those awkward doorstep moments can be quite stressful especially if you are just on your first date. For this situation, you need to read your date.  If you feel that there is no spark or chemistry between the two of you, a simple handshake or a brief kiss on the cheeks is okay.  If you are not that attracted to your date and you just agreed to the date for some reason, bring your own transportation, if applicable, so that you can part ways right after the date and avoid this very awkward doorstep moment.

I hope this has been of some help…

Billy Baker

May-December love affairs are not that uncommon nowadays but people involved in it, more often than not, find it hard to have their family and friends accept and respect such relationship.  Some family members or friends would even try to break off the relationship but the important thing is you and your partner remains strong.

How a May-December love affair succeeds depend on both partners doing everything to make it work.  Here are some of the secrets in making this kind of relationship work both for you and your partner:

Know Thyself.  Do you really love your partner or is he/she just reminding you of how delightful it was to be young?  If you are older one, assess yourself whether you are just looking for a mother or father figure.  Assess your relationship and consider the future.  Make sure that you are ready to face the challenges and consequences of being in a relationship with a much younger or older person.

Commonality.  You and your partner may be a generation apart but there may be something common that you share.  For any relationship to succeed, there must be that common denominator in interests and likes that you should share.  You need to find this common ground and nurture it if you want your relationship to last.

Preserve Your Individuality.  As in any kind of relationship, you must keep your self identity and individuality intact.  For any individual and relationship to grow, personal space is very important.  remember that even plants planted too close together does not grow that much compared to those planted with enough spacing between plants.  Like in any other kind of relationship, giving your partner the chance to grow and the freedom to be himself/herself is essential.

Let your partner pursue his or her interests and pursue yours too.  Do not try to change your partner into somebody that you want but your partner is not.  Do not restrict your partner’s freedom and, consequently, do not let your partner do that to you, too.

Openness To Change.  Differences are usual between people who are in a May-December relationship.  There will be instances when you will not agree on a lot of things especially in matters of tastes and styles.  This is inevitable because you do not belong to the same generation and you do not share the experience of your respective generations.

For your May-December love affair to work, despite the differences, both you and your partner should meet halfway.  You must not change your partner to like what you like and vice versa.  You only need to adjust a little, work something out, and find a middle ground you are both happy with.

Communication And Trust.  Miscommunications and trust issues are common in most May-December relationships.  This, too, is inevitable and something that both partners should work hard at.

The importance of open communication cannot be underestimated in any kind of relationship.  You can make a promise to each other to tell your true feelings.  If any issue arises, talk it out and never ignore it.  Trust is also a key to a successful relationship, especially in a May-December love affair.  Give your partner the space that he/she needs and trust that he/she will be true.

Strive For Acceptance.  A relationship is mainly between the partners but the acceptance of family and friends can also help make relationships work.  Be open about your May-December relationship with your loved ones.  If you hear unfavorable comments, don’t get too defensive.  There is no need to strain your relationship with your loved ones over your love affair.  You should also make them aware of your feelings and let them realize that you will carry on with your relationship with or without their blessing.  Just give them time and they will understand and accept your relationship in due time.

…hope that has been of some help,

Billy Baker

There can be several components to the abuse, and they include each of the following:

• Verbal and emotional abuse

Threatening harm to the partner or someone they love, unless they do as they’re told

Belittling a partner and name calling

Unprovoked jealousy or a sense of ownership

• Controlling behavior

Deciding what a partner can wear

Telling a partner where they’re allowed to go

Calling, texting, paging, frequently or constantly checking up

Not allowing a relationship with friends and family

Stalker-like behavior

• Physical abuse

Shoving, hitting, kicking, pulling hair, and choking

It can also involve throwing things at the victim or hitting them with objects

In escalated cases, weapons like guns and knives can be used

• Sexual Abuse

Unwanted kissing or touching

Forced sexual relations

Forced sex of a type the partner doesn’t want

Anyone can be a victim, and it is not based on gender. Females are more likely to yell and scream, pinch, scratch, slap, and kick. Men are usually much stronger and can hurt women much worse- they are more likely to punch them or force unwanted sexual activity on them.

Victims often feel it’s their fault, and are often told that by their abuser. They can feel sad, confused, depressed, and angry, but also helpless and humiliated. It can be a love-hate relationship with “honeymoon periods” afterwards, so the victim remains committed to trying to make things better.

Consider these alarming statistics, as they apply to young people:

Over 30% of teenagers have been victims of dating violence.

50 to 80% say they know others who’ve been involved in violent relationships.

15% of teenagers report being the victim of severe dating violence.

Young women between 16 and 24 years old suffer the most at the hands of abusers.

Get help

If you are being abused, it is NOT YOUR FAULT! No matter what you do, what you say, or what you wear gives another person the right to put their hands on you in a violent manner.

Get help immediately if you are suffering dating violence. Don’t keep this to yourself.

Speak with someone who you trust and will help you, like friends, family members or parents, teachers, a doctor or nurse, etc.

Know that when you tell some people, that are sworn to report the abuse to authorities. (Teachers, doctors, social workers, counselors, sometimes even athletic coaches.)

If you need help deciding who to talk to, call a domestic violence helpline where you live.

Protect yourself

Make a plan for getting out of a violent situation. Think about what to do, who to call, or where to go for help ahead of time.

When going out, tell your family where and when you’re coming home.

Have important phone numbers handy- people to call or places to go in an emergency.

Always have a cell phone or spare change ready for instant communication.

Double date or go out with groups instead of alone.

Always have money stashed in case you need it for a cab, bus, or subway to get away from a bad situation.

In emergency situations, call 911.

Help Others

You can help if you know someone who is being abused.

Tell them how worried you are about their safety.

Listen when they need someone to talk to.

Offer your support.

Ask them how you can help.

Encourage them to get help and get out of the relationship.

Learn more about dating violence. There are often escalating patterns of behavior.

Avoid confronting the abusive partner. This can be dangerous to both you and the victim.

Hopefully, you are not now in an abusive relationship. If you are, get help and get out!  Here is another article that may be of interest to you, and talks about building healthy relationships.

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