So, you are divorced or perhaps separated but that does not really mean you will never ever see your ex again. There might be circumstances which cause you to cross paths – you may study in the same college, you live in the same locality or stay in the same office. Other certain occasions may be mortgage payments, child visitation rights and many others. Crossing paths may be a problem for the both of you. It may be that you or your ex is still angry, hurt and cannot accept the divorce or separation.
Here are common situations for someone who had a divorce (especially as in cheating to you when you were still married):
- Anger – the person being cheated has the right to feel angry.
- Betrayed – they feel betrayed about the situation.
- Hurt – who wouldn’t be hurt if you were cheated?
So, how should one deal on this?
Here are 6 ways to help you out:
While these circumstances are expected, never freak out and cause a scene. This will never do anything good and you will only regret it afterwards. You can take a deep breath. Leave if you have to and cry or freak out when you are already in a private place far away from your ex. It is fine to let your feelings come out but don’t let your ex see it.
Anger is common for every divorce. Especially, when one of you cannot accept it and do not want it to happen. If your partner is expressing aggression towards you, act! Set some limitations. Remember that you are no longer married to that person.
Tell your partner that he/she no longer have any rights from you. You have to let him/her agree to respect your privacy and have the right to live your life the way you want after divorce. Establish stability and ground rules and stick with them.
See a Therapist
If for some instance you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner and his/her anger, you might consider meeting a therapist. Seeing a therapist is different from seeing a marriage counsellor. You already have your own and new relationships.
When dealing with your ex, it will always be helpful when you need an extra help. A therapist will offer a perspective wherein you could tackle the anger and aggression coming between the two of you.
The Cause of Anger
You may want to find the cause of your ex’s anger. Find out where the anger is coming from. As the saying goes, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”. Try to find out whether your ex is angry towards you or towards himself. He may be angry at himself for letting go and not working out to survive the relationship.
Sometimes your ex might feel you gave up too easily and lashes back at you for not giving him/her the chance to recover the relationship. It might even be the fear of losing and not having to keep in touch with the kids. You will be in a better position to talk with your ex when you can find the root cause of his/her anger since you will be able to relate with him properly.
If your partner is short-tempered, don’t stroke the fire. The best thing you can do with this is to set him off. Never show off your new relationship if ever you have one already. Don’t pick fights and never revisit the past. You can tell him honestly that you are happy when you both part ways. Be patient and be courteous. Do your best to keep the conversation formal.
Heart to Heart Talk
Well, this may not be the case since your ex might be in anger. Tell him/her about what you feel right now and that you have no more affection for him. Make it clear that you have to move on with your life. He/She should have move on as well.
Always suggest nicely. Do not leave conversations hanging and let all that needs to be said and done be said and done. Things will work out fine if you know how to deal with it.